Essay on Why You Am The Way I Am

1475 Words Mar 18th, 2016 null Page
Why I am the way I am
Innocence. It all circles back. Every time I feel hurt, betrayed, deceived, it all ties back to the loss of my innocence. Correction. The involuntary loss of my innocence. What kind of person violates a little girl, merely nine years old, coming home from 4th grade.. innocent. It’s true what they say about your subconscious blocking out the memories you wish you’ve never experienced. But eventually, it all comes rushing back. Found myself sitting on my bathroom floor one day at thirteen years old, crying rivers and oceans, remembering.. knife hovering above my wrist, pondering on the thought of whether or not life was worth living. At thirteen. Happiness has always been a battle for me. All throughout my life I’ve had trouble with relationships, always feeling like everyone intentions were to take advantage of me. I would go by my days wishing something horrible would happen to me to end my life, a fatal car accident, drowning, bystander in a gunfire, being trapped in a burning house. Horrible, I know. But the life I was living just didn’t seem worthy. I didn’t love myself. I long desired for my deceased brother to take my place and me his. All I could think about was how life was so fucked up.
My childhood can be summed up in the basis of me hiding out in the shadows, terrified of opening up to someone or being the center of attention because I just didn’t want to be noticed. I hated dancing. That’s what he would call it. When I’d try to walk away…

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