Essay about Why I Don 't Fight

1043 Words Sep 3rd, 2015 null Page
Now, I don 't know what it is to feel. I dont know what it means to be there for someone and mean it. No one ever has been for me. I’m not sure it would even be worth it, to care for someone unconditionally.
What is it like? To trust? I haven 't trusted in a while. No one has given me a reason to. All they do is spread their lies, their rumors. They say they will stay, but don 't fight when I ultimately push them away.
Why? Why am I not good enough? I give my all, yet feel it 's for nothing.
That’s what you did to me. You made me feel the worst pain I’ve ever felt, and now, I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. No excitement, no misery, no fear, no happiness. Just my fakeness.
And I can’t let you go. I’ve tried, but nothing is left except for what you did. I need something to replace you, but I haven’t the motivation to find something, someone. Now, all I do with my days is browse the internet, occasionally breaking for food, waiting for sleep to come again.
Sleep is my only reprieve from the emptiness I can’t feel, but know is ultimately there. My dreams are the only place I feel the memories of emotion, can hope for a brighter future.
It’s been nine months now. Nine months to the day. The day we celebrated. A week away from the ultimate break. The break that broke me. Why haven’t I moved on? Why can’t I forgive and forget?
I know why.
If I don’t forget, maybe you won’t either. Maybe you’ll be haunted every night by my face as I cried in your car, begging for you to take me…

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