Essay about Why I Don 't Fight
What is it like? To trust? I haven 't trusted in a while. No one has given me a reason to. All they do is spread their lies, their rumors. They say they will stay, but don 't fight when I ultimately push them away.
Why? Why am I not good enough? I give my all, yet feel it 's for nothing.
That’s what you did to me. You made me feel the worst pain I’ve ever felt, and now, I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. No excitement, no misery, no fear, no happiness. Just my fakeness.
And I can’t let you go. I’ve tried, but nothing is left except for what you did. I need something to replace you, but I haven’t the motivation to find something, someone. Now, all I do with my days is browse the internet, occasionally breaking for food, waiting for sleep to come again.
Sleep is my only reprieve from the emptiness I can’t feel, but know is ultimately there. My dreams are the only place I feel the memories of emotion, can hope for a brighter future.
It’s been nine months now. Nine months to the day. The day we celebrated. A week away from the ultimate break. The break that broke me. Why haven’t I moved on? Why can’t I forgive and forget?
I know why.
If I don’t forget, maybe you won’t either. Maybe you’ll be haunted every night by my face as I cried in your car, begging for you to take me…